I’m the prime suspect in an ongoing love handle obsession investigation. I’m eighteen years old. I have a six-pack for the first time in my life. But the love handles… The love handles aren’t budging. They are large and in charge. They have the girth to give birth. I can’t think of a third rhyme to [...]
I’m the prime suspect in an ongoing love handle obsession investigation. I’m eighteen years old. I have a six-pack for the first time in my life.
But the love handles…
The love handles aren’t budging. They are large and in charge. They have the girth to give birth. I can't think of a third rhyme to write here, which is unfortunate because lists of three are seductive.
My psyche splatters the walls of an orthorexic blender. I can't stop looking at the the utters of blubber jutting from my midsection. I can't stop wondering if they will ever go away.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
I'm lean, but I keep pushing for fat loss. My body begins to reflect the the level of discontent my mind endures.
I am withering away.
We are withering away.
For nothing.
You don't have love handles.
If you've ever been in the same situation, here's something you need to know. Something I wish my love handle obsessed self knew long ago. You’re going to have love handles forever if you keep believing you have love handles.
Because, quite frankly, I didn't have love handles. I just thought I did. Take a look at the picture below. That's Miranda. I don’t know much about Miranda.
She's super lean, especially for a female. But I'm sure you see what I see: the love handles. GASP! Only they aren't love handles. They're MUSCLES. More specifically, they're the giant muscles of the hip.
JUNK IN THE TRUNK, DOOD.
Junk in the mother effing trunk.
By the way, I never was a fan of the color purple. Or sparkly things, for that matter. But I'm currently reconsidering my political position. For no obvious reasons. Just a thought that came into my mind. Funny how the brain works, you know?
A little bit goes a long way.
When you're as lean as Miranda, you're able to see, OH SNAP THAT'S A GIANT MUSCLE RIGHT THERE. But if you have some body fat covering this area, you lose the hard sculpted muscular delineations. You're left with marshmallow puff ski slopes.
Doesn't take much body fat, either. Check out another picture of Miranda below. Just a little bit of fat is enough to convince yourself that it's all fat.
And, sometimes, losing fat can make your “love handles” seem even bigger because you lose fat higher around the midsection, but the large lower hip muscles remain.
Your party crash ass.
This isn't permission to walk around, thinking all of your body fat is muscle mass. Some people are fat. Some people's love handles are fat.
But if you're rocking Solid Base Shortcuts and reaching six pack leanness, and the love handles aren't budging, chances are, there's some muscle that's making your love handles seem like a bigger deal than they really are.
Your ass crashed yet another party it wasn't invited to.
May the Gains be with you,
Ant