If there’s one thing Dragon Ball Z taught me, it’s that getting angry unlocks a Saiyan’s true strength. I think it’s about time for hair to turn yellow and pupils to disappear. Become enraged. You can’t trust a beast like the media, because it only cares about are page views, clicks, and ratings. It’s a [...]
If there’s one thing Dragon Ball Z taught me, it’s that getting angry unlocks a Saiyan’s true strength. I think it’s about time for hair to turn yellow and pupils to disappear.
Become enraged.
You can’t trust a beast like the media, because it only cares about are page views, clicks, and ratings. It’s a competitive world out there, and attention is limited. Take a gander at any magazine stand and you’re bound to see pictures of models or movie stars without a shirt. These pictures eventually become the societal gold standard for aesthetics and beauty.
It’s a shame; it’s not realistic. These “gold standard” models and athletes suffer from the same problems we do.
You wouldn’t know though.
Facial wrinkles and cellulite? Airbrushed out. They even make waists smaller, completely changing the skeletal frame. Although both of these are more female concerning, it doesn’t stop there. Tennis star Andy Roddick was doctored up for a magazine cover back in 2007, and he even poked fun at his mutated magazine self.
Little did I know I have 22-inch guns and a disappearing birthmark on my right arm.
Here are some of the things you need to know in order to create realistic expectations for yourself.
1. Photoshop rules
There are a lot of things you can do in Photoshop, all of which are awesome. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be an artist so I always had a taste for artsy fartsy stuff. Photoshop is like a playground. (Even though I suck at using it—I was more of a doodler and pixeler [can you say Megaman sprites?] in Paint.)
The problem is that Photoshop can do some wonderful things to doctor up photos. And the even bigger problem is that it’s so easy and fun to use. I use some filters on photos I take to adjust lighting in my favor. I don’t do this to be dishonest, I do it because it turns my crappy camera and crappy lighting conditions into something cooler.
And I like cool.
In my opinion, it’s one thing to alter lighting and shadows. It’s something entirely different to airbrush and replace body parts.
2. Sodium and swapping the photos
Taking the before picture after the after picture: another awesome technique used. People that are all ripped and jacked get paid to turn into fattening tubs of lard. In other words, the after pictures you see are sometimes before pictures. How’s that for some wizardry?
Often times, you can do this in the span of a day if you know how to make use of good lighting and posing. You can do it even better if you make use of sodium retention like Furious Pete.
There’s nothing stopping someone from saying a yearlong transformation only took two weeks. That’s just the shameful fact of manipulative marketing. People will lie because they know it makes you more likely to buy into what they’re selling.
3. Lighting and posing
Here are two pictures of myself that were taken seconds apart from one another. The second one makes use of overhead lighting and good posing. The first one was intentionally taken with a bad angle and bad lighting.
Make no mistake, both are me. There’s no Photoshop or anything. But by taking an intentionally bad picture (which is very easy to do) makes the good ones look even better.
What a great transformation though. I lost 15 pounds in one second. Maybe you’ll see me on a late night infomercial one day . . . !
4. Drugs are bad, mmkk
I’m often asked if celebrity transformations are “real.” In other words, do celebrities take steroids or other drugs to get into such great shape for their roles in movies?
Truthfully, I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that a good friend of mine works with a lot of professional athletes. He told me that if you don’t know about steroids, you aren’t seen as a credible coach because use is so rampant.
I’d expect it to be the same in the celebrity industry . . . only worse. There’s no reason for a movie star to avoid steroids. They make millions of dollars per role. There’s no drug testing (even drug testing among professional athletes sucks). When you only have twelve weeks to prepare for a role and millions upon millions of dollars at stake, well, I’ll let you connect the dots.
You’re being spied on
If all of these things are so dishonest and unrealistic, why are they so popular?
It’s our fault.
Here’s the thing. People make crap ads because you click on them. Ever seen those terrible, “one weird training trick” or “one weird food” ads? And you click on them probably because you’re numb to the typical ads that showcase unrealistic bodies.
Here’s your job: train yourself to resist the hype, just as the Spartans trained to resist fear.
The take away from this is that the media always has motive. The media is rarely about exposing truth; it’s really about money. And the biggest way for most media outlets to make money is to drive eyeballs to their news station, website, radio station, or whatever platform. You are a dollar bill in their eyes; you are not a person.
Don’t feel bad though. This isn’t new, and it’s somewhat understandable. In a business, you need money or else you’re not in business. Things like this have been going on for a while now. I mean, I thought everyone knew that corn syrup was instant energy you could spread on your morning toast?
Keep an eye out and keep an open mind. Be skeptic of most things.
Sometimes I’ve even a skeptic of myself.