Two Meal Muscle
Modifying the system is simply a matter of toggling energy intake toward an objective. The appearance this ultimately takes depends on the approach. I'll first show you how these strategies can be used in a vacuum, which is to say: how I'd use them in an ideal world, one where I don't lust for Monte Cristo sandwiches and hyped-up hazy beers. After, I'll tear down the wallpaper (floral print, for sure) and show you how my degenerate self actually uses these strategies in the delicious real world.
Let's strategize.
1, Strategy (vacuum): static cycles.
Static cycles involve picking a singular destination and using the same strategy of travel every day for an extended period of time (4+ weeks).
RECOMMENDED STRATEGIES FOR STATIC CYCLES
SPEED LIMIT LOSS (SLL)
GOLDILOCKS GAINS (GOLDILOCKS)
Static cycles foster routine (every day is the same; there aren't many moving pieces) and provide the fastest and clearest feedback possible.
1.1, Static (vacuum) skeleton.
FAT LOSS
- Sunday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Monday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Tuesday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Wednesday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Thursday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Friday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Saturday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
MUSCLE GROWTH
- Sunday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Monday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Tuesday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Wednesday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Thursday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Friday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Saturday: (GOLD) ↑↑
Because the effectiveness of a Goldilocks Gains campaign is tough (impossible?) to evaluate at higher body fat percentages, I don't bulk unless I'm somewhat lean. Slight changes in the divots and the grooves provide valuable information as to what's happening underneath the skin.
1.2, Chaotic cycles (vacuum).
Chaotic cycles involve alternating between fat-loss strategies and muscle-building strategies within the same week in order to maybe possibly perhaps arrive at two different destinations, or, at the very least, arrive at one destination with less turbulence.
RECOMMENDED STRATEGIES FOR STATIC CYCLES
GOING PLAID (PLAID)
SPEED LIMIT LOSS (SLL)
STATUS QUO STANDARD (SQS)
GOLDILOCKS GAINS (GOLD)
GAMORREAN GAINS (GAMO)
The mythos behind chaotic cycles is compelling: You contribute to fat loss some days (using fat-loss “low-tide” strategies) and you contribute to muscle growth some days (using muscle-building “high-tide” strategies).
- During a fat-loss phase, the addition of high-tide strategies will facilitate muscle growth and muscle retention.
- During a muscle-growth phase, the addition of low-tide strategies will facilitate fat loss and fat-gain mitigation.
Static cycles don't touch both ends like chaotic cycles do; a static Speed Limit Loss campaign has no contribution to muscle growth or retention, just as a static Goldilocks Gains campaign has no contribution to fat loss or fat-gain mitigation. Chaotic cycles can play both sides of the field, which yields better results… in theory. I have mixed feelings about the mythos of chaotic cycles (which the philosophically inclined should have sensed long ago when I used the word “mythos” as opposed to “logos”).
On one hand, if someone put a gun to my tongue and told me my life depended on helping him (the person with the gun is obviously a man) build muscle and lose fat at the same time, you better believe I'm drawing up a chaotic cycle. Gamoreen Gains Standard two days of the week, on the most difficult training days. Goldilocks Gains Standard two days of the week, on other training days. Going Plaid the remaining three days of the week. Also, increasing protein to 1.5 grams per pound of body weight because I'd rather be safe than soaked in blood. (Also, sneaking SARMs in his ham sandwiches.)
On the other hand, if chaotic cycles worked as advertised, then everyone playing the game would recomp (gain muscle and lose fat at the same time) with lubricated ease. This isn't the case. In the end, the mechanics of chaotic cycles end up looking similar to static cycles.
- For fat loss, there are more low-tide days and there's a weekly deficit in proportion to the rate of loss.
- For muscle growth, there are more high-tide days and there's a weekly surplus in proportion to the amount of body fat gained alongside muscle mass.
And so, I can't help but wonder if chaotic cycles are nothing more than a rain dance: an elaborate theater production that fosters a sense of control without actually contributing to the cause. Could be. Good news is believing in miracles doesn't hurt me because I use chaotic cycles for a different reason: I wouldn't be able to juggle my body-composition desires with my destructive habits without them.
Recomps are most prevalent within three populations. First, soft-skinned noobs with a rock-solid strategy from the start. Second, those who used to be lean and muscular, but fell off the wagon and got sloppy. They return to their old ways and have brain-bending before-and-after pictures thanks to muscle memory. Building muscle from scratch (not memory) is much more difficult. Third, those with a penchant for performance-enhancing drugs.
1.2-2, Chaotic (vacuum) skeleton.
A middle-of-the-road starting point for chaotic cycles is 3-4 “high-tide” days per week and 3-4 “low-tide” days per week, and then using feedback to fine-tune things. In general, high-tide days overlap muscle-based training days (💪) and low-tide days overlap rest days or non-muscle-based training days.
If I had more than 4 muscle-based training sessions per week (rare), I'd go with a lower tide on the days I'd be okay with less growth optimization. In other words, if I was happy with how big my legs were, I'd use low-tide strategies on the days I train legs.
Since I'm in a vacuum, let's assume I have 4 muscle-based training sessions per week. For my high-tide days, I start with Goldilocks Gains (GOLD).
- Sunday:
- Monday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Tuesday:
- Wednesday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Thursday:
- Friday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Saturday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
Opposite of high-tide days are low-tide days, and, for starters, I'd use Speed Limit Loss.
- Sunday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Monday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Tuesday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Wednesday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Thursday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Friday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Saturday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
This is a fine place to start. On paper, according to the mythos, this would result in a slow recomposition. In the real world, meh, probably not. From here, I'd use feedback (the results this diet delivers after a few weeks of adherence) and static-cycle numbers to steer the ship.
For muscle growth…
I need to flirt with fat gain to ensure I'm eating enough. If I'm not “losing” my leanness within one or two months, I know I'm not eating enough. To increase the tide, I'd first turn a few low-tide days into higher-tide days. There are a few ways to do this; I can mix strategies. Any combination that yields a slight weekly surplus should work.
Example 1: turning two (SLL) days into two (GOLD) days.
- Sunday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Monday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Tuesday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Wednesday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Thursday: (GOLD) ↑↑
- Friday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Saturday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
Example 2: turning two (GOLD) days into two (GAMO) days and one (SLL) day into (SQS) days.
- Sunday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Monday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Tuesday: (SQS) →
- Wednesday: 💪 (GAMO) ↑↑↑↑↑
- Thursday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Friday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Saturday: 💪 (GAMO) ↑↑↑↑↑
In the end, I am aiming for a slight surplus and using static-cycle numbers (weekly surplus of around 1000 calories) as a flashlight.
For fat loss…
Rate of loss is the number one concern with chaotic cycles. Few people are okay with losing one pound per month. Too slow. When there are high-tide days in the weekly rotation, there's really only one way to lose fat at a respectable pace: Go Plaid.
Example 1: turning a few (SLL) days into (PLAID) days.
- Sunday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Monday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Tuesday: (PLAID) ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
- Wednesday: 💪 (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Thursday: (PLAID) ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
- Friday: 💪 (GOLD) ↑↑
- Saturday: 💪 (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
Example 2: turning a few (GOLD) days into (SQS) days.
- Sunday: (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
- Monday: 💪 (SQS) →
- Tuesday: (PLAID) ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
- Wednesday: 💪 (SQS) →
- Thursday: (PLAID) ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
- Friday: 💪 (SQS) →
- Saturday: 💪 (SLL) ↓↓↓↓↓
I'd skew toward Goldilocks Gains or Status Quo on muscle-based training days and Safe Speed Loss or Going Plaid on non-muscle-based training days.
1.3, Strategies (in a vacuum), sealed.
Static cycles are simple: spamming one strategy until you reach a destination. Chaotic cycles are a mashup of strategies used within the same week, usually aligned with muscle-based training sessions. The mythos of chaotic cycles is anything but proven, which is why static-cycle numbers are an important guide.
- Fat loss needs to skew toward low-tide strategies and a weekly deficit in proportion to the desired rate of fat loss.
- Muscle growth needs to skew toward high-tide strategies and a slight surplus in proportion to the desired rate of fat gain.
Seems like a lot of work for results on par with static cycles. I agree. I don't use chaotic cycles for body-composition reasons. I use them for a less virtuous reason.
2, Strategy (real world).
The only difference between my real-world diet and a vacuum-sealed diet is pure-pleasure feedings. This is when I eat something without concern for energy or nutrients. (In other words, this is when I eat like 99% of Americans.) Pure-pleasure feedings skew toward pleasure (duh) and convenience as opposed to utility and health.
Example: nachos.
Justifying the consumption of nachos from a health and body composition standpoint is difficult. Especially if they're topped with whiz cheese. Don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure the “plaque” open-heart surgeons excavate from arteries is an amalgam of the undigestible chemicals contained within whiz cheese. (For the record, I prefer my nachos topped with barely-melted real cheese. Melted cheese has no flavor and I believe this so much I won't even entertain your incorrect opinion.)
Pure-pleasure meals are a banana peel (the Mario Kart variety) in my diet because they almost always throw me into an energy surplus for the day. Moderation is a wonderful tool and one I use regularly, but most pure-pleasure meals have a high price tag, like a properly cooked Monte Cristo sandwich dusted with an appropriate abundance of powdered sugar, served alongside home fries cooked in an embarrassing amount of butter. Add the four double IPAs I'm for. sure. going to drink while I cook this decadent delicatessen and there's no way I'm coming in under my energy budget for the day.
And then there's pizza. One slice of pizza contains 300 calories (on average). Some days, I eat one slice with my regularly scheduled dinner. MODERATION. But the reason pizza usually ends up in my house: I don't have the time (or the motivation) to cook food. Pizza is the entree, not a side dish. And I haven't eaten less than four slices of pizza (as a meal) since I was twelve years old.
Even though pure-pleasure feedings have a high price tag, they don't carry the same muscle-building potential as Goldilocks Gains days or Gamorrean Gains days thanks to the general disregard for nutrients. Not enough protein. Food quality is usually poor. If left unsupervised, pure-pleasure feedings will ruin my body composition rather quickly.
Backloading helps minimize the damage of pure-pleasure feedings because I have a lot of energetic wiggle room at dinner. My lunch contains around 500 calories. My Status Quo Standard is 2900 calories. In other words, a pure-pleasure dinner can be around 2500 calories without it ruining my waistline.
This caloric cushion helps.
Sometimes.
Backloading has a nasty psychological dark side that can swallow you whole if you aren't careful: If you're “saving up” for a big meal, you're probably going to eat until you can't feel your face. This isn't good. This is (one reason) why Two Meal Muscle is nuclear.
2.1, Real-world wrestling.
My playbook for managing pure-pleasure feedings shouldn't be surprising: I offset the “damage” in a timely fashion with low-tide strategies (usually, I Go Plaid). The depth of my intervention depends on the depth of my degeneracy. There's a MACH to my madness.
First, if I'm being “good” (MACH 1), I will cook a normal dinner and eat pure-pleasure foods in moderation as a side dish in accordance with the Status Quo Standard. This doesn't require an intervention.
Second, if I'm being “okay” (MACH 2), I will have one pure-pleasure day a week. The intervention for this depends on my objective. If I'm trying to lose fat, I will Go Plaid once the following week as a caloric countermeasure. This won't impede my overall fat-loss progress.
Third, if I'm being “bad” (MACH 3), I will have two pure-pleasure days in a week. I will Go Plaid at least two times the following week as a caloric countermeasure. I might also need one Speed Limit Loss day. This makes fat loss more difficult, but not impossible.
Fourth, if I'm being “unhinged” (MACH 4), I will have three (or more) pure-pleasure days in a week. I will Go Plaid three or four times the following week as a caloric countermeasure. I might even need to extend the intervention into the following week with Speed Limit Loss days. This makes fat loss rather impossible.
There's a fine line between Going Plaid to counteract pure-pleasure feedings and being bulimic. This is not lost on me. I was never professionally diagnosed, but I think I used to be bulimic. I used to binge hard. I used to eat until I was sick to my stomach almost every weekend; I'd wake up in the middle of the night in a puddle of sweat, wanting to vomit to make myself feel better. Although I never vomited, I used low-tide strategies to counteract the effects of my binging episodes. This is the definition of bulimia. (Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to vomit to be bulimic. Using any extreme measure to avoid weight gain after binging is a characteristic of bulimia.)
I don't binge anymore. My pure-pleasure feedings are an escape from the diet prison I put myself in to better my body composition; I eat foods that bring me joy, but I don't eat until I'm sick.
When I had bulimia, I had no control. Now? I feel like an old person keeping tabs on their money. I'm being energy conscious, just like someone would be financially conscious; I'm balancing my checkbook with intent.
2.2, Real-world wrench.
There's an obvious correlation between pure-pleasure feedings and my ability to lose fat. More pure-pleasure feedings (and the “worse” they are) make fat loss more difficult. There's a less obvious correlation between pure-pleasure feedings and my ability to build muscle.
As mentioned, pure-pleasure feedings aren't great for muscle growth. They aren't as nutrient-dense (NEED MOAR PROTEINS!) as they need to be. To make matters worse (for my muscles), I'm most concerned with preventing fat gain. I prioritize pure-pleasure damage control. I try to counteract the calorie surge as soon as possible with low-tide strategies. And so, as pure-pleasure feedings increase, my muscle-building potential decreases because the days that follow will skew toward low-tide strategies.
2.3, Real-world, wrapped up.
Pure-pleasure feedings, for the most part, are characterized by having a much more lax attitude toward both energy and nutrients. The frequency and depth of pure-pleasure feedings I have every week are anything but regular. In general, I have some kind of pure-pleasure feeding every Saturday and Sunday.
When I'm motivated, these will be MACH 1 pure-pleasure feedings: I will cook a normal dinner and eat pure-pleasure foods in moderation, as a side dish, in accordance with the Status Quo Standard. When I'm not as motivated, the frequency and depth of pure-pleasure feedings skew toward MACH 3 and MACH 4 madness.
No matter what, the playbook for managing pure-pleasure feedings remains the same: counteract in a timely fashion with low-tide strategies (Speed Limit Loss, Going Plaid).
3. See-through strategy.
My strategy is simple and straightforward. You should be sick of reading about my strategy. Regardless of static cycles or chaotic cycles, this is the blueprint:
- Fat loss: low-tide bias
- Muscle growth: high-tide bias
Things get messy when pure-pleasure feedings are sprinkled into the mix, but the strategy never changes. The approach? Now that's a different story.