I Remember, I Don’t Remember

I remember telling myself I was going to train in between commercials of Toonami.

I remember dropping down one day to do push-ups, only being able to muster one or two, and then telling myself that I should quit.

I remember hating injuries.

I remember injuries leading to breakthroughs and always being smarter for having been injured.

I remember the ab wheel, the ab crunch machine thing, and even the electro-stimulation ab belt.

I remember standing on the front lawn with my cousin and telling him I was going to enter “training.” I was going to load up a backpack with rocks and run hills, just like Goku.

I remember the moment of ignition, the moment that I believed I had what it took to change myself.

I remember being scared to tell my parents I wanted to eat wheat bread.

I remember, almost always, doing a program that was way above my level of advancement because I thought normal stuff wouldn’t work for me.

I remember eating six meals per day, and, quite effectively, losing 30 pounds.

I remember eating two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, fruit snacks, and a can of iced tea for lunch and thinking it was healthy.

I remember wearing two t-shirts when practicing kip-ups in front of my friends; the bottom shirt was tucked in to hide my stomach.

I remember doing light dumbbell “toning” (don’t ever use this word, please) exercises in my garage.

I remember doing the same program at two different times and getting two different results.

I remember obsessing about post workout nutrition.

I remember buying equipment for my garage, knowing that it was my only hope; I was too self conscious to train in public.

I remember fear, and lots of it, before just about every trick I ever tried for the first time.

I remember hating vegetables.

I never remember getting things right on the first try.

I never remember front squats feeling easy.

I never remember feeling like I had things figured out.

I never remember not wanting to program hop.

I never remember wanting to just look good; my body was a package deal in that I wanted to actually be capable.

I never remember things being easy.

I never remember a lot of self-confidence.

I never remember anything being more effective than the basics.

I never remember a short term solution working.

I never remember it being easy to deal with an injury.

I never remember traditional bulking being an effective strategy for me.

I never remember it being all play.

I never remember being motivated before every single training session, deliberate practice is the majority.

I never remember having a skimpy appetite.

I never remember there being a time in my life when I didn’t benefit from eating more vegetables.

I never remember a supplement working without that whole training thing and nutrition thing also figured out.

I never remember being able to resist clicking any link that mentions some kind of Russian, Bulgarian, Chinese, or whatever old time Eastern Bloc “training secret.”

I remember starting.

I remember failing.

I never remember quitting.

Keep going.