You don’t wanna be mistaken for one of the floats in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I understand. Eating healthy during the holidays is tough. We stuff ourselves silly because indulgence is built into the occasion. The same reason we bring gifts to birthday parties. Everyone expects you to eat thirds, fourths, and fifths… especially [...]
You don’t wanna be mistaken for one of the floats in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
I understand.
Eating healthy during the holidays is tough.
We stuff ourselves silly because indulgence is built into the occasion. The same reason we bring gifts to birthday parties.
Everyone expects you to eat thirds, fourths, and fifths… especially if you have in years past. If you don't tickle traditions per usual, you're aren't holidaying the way you're supposed to holiday; you're showing up to the birthday party without a gift.
You're gonna face resistance.
This is why you can't be upset when your family berates you for trying to be healthier.
“It's only one day of the year,” your mom says, “sit down and eat thirty loaves of bread with me.”
Your family's lack of support can be frustrating, but, remember:
YOU ARE THE ONE VIOLATING CUSTOMS.
Expecting them to understand you is selfish.
It's your job to understand them.
Their lack of support is actually love.
Holiday hedonism is euphoric. If you don't eat until you can't feel your face, your family assumes you're being a martyr and depriving yourself of pleasure and joy.
Your family just wants you to be in on the joke.
You might be able to overcome the social stigma associated with making healthier choices during the holidays… if you're a sociopath.
Because only sociopaths can not care about what their closest loved ones think. “Not giving a fuck” is a great strategy for serial killers. Not you. (Unless you're a serial killer.)
You shouldn't try to educate your family, either.
One bite of pumpkin pie is all it takes to undo your thirty minute guilt-laden lecture on the dangers of insulin.
Things are looking bleak…
But there's hope.
The most reliable way to avoid unwanted fat gain during holidays ISN'T “not giving a fuck” or lecturing your loved ones.
No…
The absolute best way to prevent unwanted fat gain during the holidays is as follows:
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Murder your family.
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If you aren't down for the dirty work, there is another way to avoid unwanted fat gain during the holidays:
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Don’t eat like a near-sighted glibglorb when it's NOT the holidays so that you can eat six sticks of butter (or whatever) without consequence when it IS the holidays.
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But we both know that's not gonna happen, which is why I'm happy to introduce you to today's sponsor: SpaceX.
May the Gains be with you,
Ant
ps
No one can hear them scream.
pps
Can't believe I had to spell that one out for you.