It’s a pill that increases your motivation. That’s my billion dollar business idea. Granted, the pill would be a total placebo. I don’t think that’d matter, though. After all, 99% of supplements on the shelves are placebos. I can throw away my morals for money, can’t I? Because, well, the money. Oh boy, the money. I’d make [...]
It's a pill that increases your motivation. That's my billion dollar business idea. Granted, the pill would be a total placebo. I don't think that'd matter, though. After all, 99% of supplements on the shelves are placebos.
I can throw away my morals for money, can't I? Because, well, the money. Oh boy, the money. I'd make so much money. Did I mention the money, yet? There'd be a lot of money. So. Much. Money.
But, what about lawsuits? I don't think I have the gonads to deal with lawsuits. Meh. I suppose HUSTLEHEROIN™ will remain a fantasy, and exist alongside the days of me not having suicidal student loan debt.
Given my financial dreams are trashed, I suppose I'll settle for chauffeur and guide you through the maze of motivation… to the best of my abilities, at least.
I'm no psychologist. But I often find myself tazed in the maze of motivation. The paralysis is a beautiful (yet painful) paradox. You want so badly to reach the finish line, yet, at the same time, zero parts of you are willing to run the race.
Being a nerd, I've picked this paradox apart. Somewhat. Enough, I think. And, since this is 2018, where pretending to be smarter than you actually are is relevancy's price of admission — here I am.
Into motivation's maw, we march.
PART 1
MOTIVATION
Diarrhea and constipation
Some people say motivation doesn't exist, but that's nonsense — a plight made in an attempt to be cool and controversial. If you put a New England IPA in front of me and told me to consume, I'd consume. If you put a fresh dog turd in front of me and told me to consume, I'd contest
The difference between my beer affinity and my feces phobia?
Motivation.
And a good way texturize motivation, for now, is in relation to friction.
When there's little friction towards taking action (or resisting action), consider motivation to be high. When there's a lot of friction towards taking action (or resisting action), consider motivation to be low.
In other words: having motivation is like having diarrhea, and lacking motivation is like being constipated.
Friction and want
Consider friction to be a byproduct of want/desire. There's not a lot of friction towards my New England IPA consumption because I want/desire to drink the beer — motivation is high. On the opposite end, there's a lot of friction towards me eating a dog turd because I don't want/desire to eat a dog turd — motivation is low.
Motivation is that simple… for now. Later, you'll see why reducing motivation into want/desire is a goober maneuver. But, until then, we're giggity giggity goobers.
Also, a useful to note (that will be repeated ad nauseam): want/desire isn't always a conscious rationalizing process. Some drug addicts want to stop being drug addicts, but they're continually pulled into the loop by their unconscious wants/desires.
Goals and motivation
“This doesn't make sense. I want/desire a better body. I want/desire to lose fat. I want/desire to build muscle. I want/desire my ex to regret breaking up with me. Doesn't that mean I should have a ton of motivation?”
No.
You're confusing goals with behaviors.
Wanting a better body is a goal. Goals are important. They are the guide and the glue. As the platitude goes: without a goal, you can't score. But, in the end, goals are childish. They're nothing more than wants.
Imagine a bratty four year old saying, “But, mommy, I want a new bicycle!” That's what goals are. Goals are you saying, “But, mommy, I want ______!”
But mommy, I want a better body!
Goals: view source
Goals are empty. They tell you where you want to go, but they don’t tell how to get there. When you dig deep and look at the guts of goals, you see SPECIFIC BEHAVIORS. Things you NEED TO START DOING (OR STOP DOING) in order to accomplish said goals. Want to see the Wizard of Oz? Travel the Yellow Brick Road.
“I want to lose fat.”
That’s a nice goal.
How are you going to accomplish said goal?
I am going to…
…drink water.
…stop eating peanut butter by the jarful.
…eat a rich source of protein at every feeding.
…replace 50% of my starch intake with vegetables.
And here's where we enter the maw of motivation.
Do you want? Or do you have?
Unfortunately, goal based wants/desires aren't motivation based wants/desires. Motivation-wants/desires hook onto behaviors, not goals.
When you assemble the behavioral backbone of any given goal — when you identify the things you need to start (and stop) doing in order to achieve your goal(s) — you'll notice the friction.
Let’s do some tricksy stuff, precious.
Given the example in the previous section, let's turn I want <GOAL(S)> into I want <BEHAVIOR(S)>. Meaning, <I want to lose fat> becomes <I want to drink water, stop eating peanut butter by the jarful, eat a rich source of protein at every feeding, and replace 50% of my starch intake with vegetables>.
Do you REALLY want to do these things? Probably not. Otherwise, you'd just do them. When I want a beer, I get a beer. When you want to do something, deep down, you just do it. There's no friction, just turbulent diarrhea.
Behavioral nooks and crannies
Don't underestimate behavioral depth. Your goal is fat loss and one of your behaviors: eat vegetables. Assume you have no qualms with eating vegetables — you actually enjoy the taste, and you genuinely want to eat them. The want/desire is there.
You should be motivated, right?
Unfortunately, “eat vegetables” is a goal, as opposed to a behavior. Because, in order to eat vegetables, you have to (a) get in your car, (b) go to the store, (c) buy the vegetables, (d) wash the vegetables, (e) cook the vegetables…
See? There's depth. You have to appreciate every nook and cranny of a behavior. Of course you want to travel the world. But do you want to absolve every last penny in your bank account doing so?
(Use this as a warning. When you're assembling your goal's behavioral backbone, get specific. Appreciate depth.)
Impasse of constipation
A great deal of cognitive dissonance comes from wanting to achieve a goal, but not wanting to perform the behaviors responsible for achieving the goal. This is why change is hard.
I want GOAL, therefore I <WANT> to perform BEHAVIOR(S) is more like I want GOAL, therefore I <HAVE> to perform BEHAVIOR(S).
The HAVE-TO world is much different than the WANT-TO world (only Chet Steadman knows how to handle the have-to), which creates an impasse.
On one hand, there are things you need to start (and stop) doing in order to achieve your goals. On the other hand, for whatever reason, your butt hole puckers up at the thought of doing (and eliminating) those things.
You're constipated.
Where do you go from here?
PART 2
WILLPOWER
Shredded finger casserole
There is blood everywhere. It's the night before St. Patrick's Day. I'm making an egg casserole for the party tomorrow, because drunk people need food. And I’m no dummy. The transitive property tells me that I, too, will need food.
I’m not terribly Irish, but I’ll gladly take advantage of any situation where it’s socially acceptable to get drunk. And the fact that I’m making an egg fucking casserole means that I’m old enough to exponentially take advantage of said situation(s).
So there I am. Making the egg fucking casserole. I don’t want to be making the egg fucking casserole. It’s late, and I’m tired. But I have to finish making the egg fucking casserole tonight, because — he so fancy — he has to marinate in the fridge overnight.
I reach the egg fucking casserole's final step: cover with cheese. So there I am, shredding a block of cheddar. Going as fast as I can. (I’m a cheese puritan. I don’t buy pre-shredded cheese. It’s against my scruples.) Mid-shred, my focus falls for just a second. And, during this one second, my thumb decides to switch places with the block of cheddar cheese.
Meaning, the hunk of cheddar that I believe to be thrashing against the shredder is actually my thumb. Meaning, the hunk of shredded cheese that I believe to be stuck to my thumb is actually — no big deal — a hunk of shredded thumb stuck to my thumb.
As blood gushes from the cleanly carved cove in my finger, I can’t help but wonder: Am I going to need stitches? This is painful. What kind of nuclear cheese shredder do I have? Is it made from shark teeth? Am I going to be able to deadlift tomorrow? I think I see bone. Will this affect my beer pong skills? Should I Snapchat a picture of this?
And then I remember the story of Aron Ralston.
Ralston and turkey legs
Ralston was hiking through Blue John Canyon when a boulder smashed his arm into a canyon wall. To free himself, he sawed through his elbow socket with a dull pocket knife. I suppose “sawed” is a bad verb to use alongside “dull pocket knife,” but my creativity is lacking.
Ever eaten a turkey? Had to twist, turn and contort the leg, in order to break the connective tissue keeping the bone sucked into its socket? You get the idea.
It’s safe to assume Ralston was in HAVE-TO world, not WANT-TO world. Meaning, he didn’t WANT-TO cut off his arm, he HAD-TO cut off his arm. Meaning, he probably wasn’t oozing motivation. But he got the job done.
Luckily for Ralston, when motivation is low, we aren't paralyzed. We have a backup impetus for action — a little something called willpower.
Willpower
Willpower allows you to do things despite the presence of friction. You sit down, and you feel the constipation. But you bear down anyways. You grit your teeth. You grunt obscenities. But you get the job done.
Willpower can also help you resist something you want/desire. If you're hankering for a plate of nachos, then you can use willpower to withhold the behavior. Either way, point remains.
When motivation isn't working in your favor, you have willpower in your pocket.
And most people reach into their pocket, whether they consciously know they are or not. Telltale sign: they're system = “I'm just gonna.” How are you going to stop eating nachos every night? I'm just gonna stop, no big deal. How are you going to start exercising every day? I'm just gonna do it, no big deal.
Points system
I like to think of motivation and willpower as opposing pistons. Together, they create your behavioral horsepower. So imagine sitting in front of said plate of nachos, the goal being to not eat them. In order to follow through with your intentions, you need a total of 10 “goal points.”
Both motivation and willpower operate on scales that go from 1-11, each of which contributes to your “goal points.” When you accumulate 10 goal points, you can follow through with your intentions. So if your motivation is at 2 points, you need 8 willpower points. If your motivation is at 9 points, you need 1 willpower point. (Keep in mind, this is totally unscientific. It's just my perspective, an idea that helps my brain navigate the world.)
Willpowerless
With the unearthing of willpower, some answers fall into place. Lacking motivation? Then just use willpower. Bear down. It won't be pleasant, but that doesn't matter. You'll get the job done.
WILLPOWER FOR PRESIDENT!
Just kidding.
Willing your way through any situation (like a baller) sounds good in theory, but it falls apart in practice. Because, research says that willpower is a fickle bitch.
I recommend reading Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Willpower Instinct. The overview: willpower (as of now) is assumed to be like a muscle or a battery. It can be strong, charged, and useful at times. But it can also fatigue and fail.
1. Willpower's weakness
Imagine: you walk into the break room at lunch. Your discover that your company ordered your favorite pizza, for everyone in the office. But you're trying to lose fat, so this is bad news. You use a bunch of willpower, and you successfully resist eating the pizza.
Ten minutes later, Suzanne brings in doughnuts She knows you love the ones with pink icing and sprinkles (by far the worst doughnut in existence), so she sets one on your desk, right next to the apple you had planned on eating.
Despite not wanting to eat the doughnut, you're more likely to crack and eat it because your willpower “battery” is low — you just used a bunch to resist eating the pizza.
2. Willpower's weakness
Studies show that drinking a sugary drink boosts your willpower. Sugar (glycogen) is your brain's preferential fuel source. If your brain is low on fuel, it crawls into conservation mode — it doesn't want to use a lot of energy. Unfortunately, willpower requires energy.
What happens when you need energy for willpower, but your brain isn't willing to use energy? A sticky wicket. Or, perhaps, a not-so sticky wicket, because the answer is rather obvious: willpower will be unreliable. Just like a fatigued muscle, it'll be more likely to fail.
(Also, when your brain's fuel level is low, there's a chance you'll crave sugar — your body's way of nudging you to replenish your brain's fuel. This means you'll need even more power to resist eating junk food. An even sticker wicket, indeed.)
Willpower is a myth
Willpower is a porn star sized rabbit hole, and I'm not feeling particularly adventurous. If the topic of willpower interests you, Google. Research. Or just buy the resource I told you about earlier: The Willpower Instinct. I made the point that needed to be made: willpower is fickle (and unreliable).
Or so it seems…
Willpower is still rather mysterious. It's not fully understood. Some people object to the willpower findings mentioned above, citing perception as an important wildcard. No surprise there. It's like muscular effort — your brain tends to call it quits before your body does.
If you think you’re tired and fatigued, you will be tired and fatigued… even if you aren’t really tired and fatigued.
In other words, are you ever actually low on willpower, or do you just think you're low on willpower? Although I'm sure this is a worthy question to explore, the truth: it doesn't matter.
Intravenous orange juice
Let's pretend that everyone is just assuming that they are low on willpower. What's the fix? Convincing everyone that they aren't low on willpower? Why stop there? Why not use the same trick on motivation?
After all, motivation is also slave to perception. No one uses willpower to resist eating maggots because no one is motivated to eat maggots. In a sense, this entire game we've been unraveling is nothing but perception.
If motivation’s roots are WANT-TO, why not just tell yourself that it's true? If you do that, you won't even enter the messy world of willpower (and having to intravenously inject sugar into your body in order to keep your brain happy). Sounds like a decent plan, right?
Wrong.
PART 3
EPIPHANY
Emotional squirts
Think of someone you find insanely attractive. Could be anyone; celebrities are fair game. Use your imagination. Take advantage of the creative freedom bequeathed unto thee. Once you have a person (or, more realistically: an anime character) in mind, here's the challenge: immediately find this person ugly and repulsive.
And not just for a few seconds. You need to permanently convince yourself you feel this way. For the rest of your life. You need to rewire your brain in order to perceive this person ugly and repulsive forever.
Tough challenge, right?
Motivation (and thus, willpower) are tied to your perception. But that doesn't mean much. If anything, it makes the challenge in front of us more difficult.
You don't understand
Consciously changing how you feel is tough because your feelings don't originate in your conscious brain. They squirt out from your deeper emotional brain, which isn't perfectly connected to your conscious brain. This is why, sometimes, you can feel a certain way, yet not be able to describe how you feel.
(This disconnect is also why you don't really know why you find this dream person attractive. You might think you know why you feel the way you do, but you don't. See: introspection illusion.)
Cognitive dissonance
It's difficult to consciously convince yourself that you feel something you don't really feel, but that's not all. It's potentially harmful because it can create massive cognitive dissonance, which will only reinforce how you really feel. This is why people without self-confidence crash and burn when trying to use positive reinforcement techniques.
I’m awesome! No. Wait. I’m not. I’m a piece of shit. An awesome piece of shit? Fuck. Why am I even thinking this? I’m a great person. I need to be confident. Wait. If I were confident would I need to tell myself to be confident? Would I have to go through this charade? No. I suck. I hate myself. I'm stupid.
Epiphanies
Motivation and willpower are linked to your perception, but changing your perception isn't easy. And it's usually not a conscious process. Note: I'm not saying that it's impossible to change your beliefs, emotions, and feelings.
Everyone seems to know one person that stopped eating meat after watching one of those documentaries. Consider a rapid perceptual shift like this to fall under the category of an epiphany.
Epiphanies are “ah-ha” moments that strike like lightning, that (usually) flip your perception upside down. Night becomes day; day becomes night. Inability to admit (publicly) that you love Taylor Swift's music becomes singing along to her songs in a friend's car. (In my defense, I was drunk.)
Pop-tarts and pizza
I had an epiphany when I was a skinny-fat eighteen year old, sitting in my college cafeteria. I just bought a (second) bag of brown sugar Pop-Tarts (no icing, please). This was my dessert. My entree: pizza. Surprisingly tasty pizza, in fact. (I didn't know it at the time, but this would be the last time I'd eat said pizza.)
As I cracked open the second bag of Pop-Tarts, a fuse inside of me blew. Like a Blutz Wave triggers Goku. I thought to myself, “What the hell am I doing? I'm dying inside when I look in the mirror. I hate my body. Yet I'm eating this? I'm doing this to myself voluntarily? Something has to change.”
And then everything did change. Pop-Tarts went from ZOMG DELICIOUS to ZOMG REPULSIVE. My HAVE-TO transformed into WANT-TO. I threw the Pop-Tarts into the garbage. Didn't eat 'em. Things haven't been the same since.
Triggering epiphanies
In some sense, epiphanies are the dream scenario for the unmotivated. In an instant, you have infinite motivation where there used to be none. So the logical question to ask, at this point: how do you trigger an epiphany?
The (honest) answer: who knows? Remember, you aren't consciously connected to your feelings and emotions. You can watch documentaries and YouTube pump up videos until your eyes bleed. You can scroll through Instagram until your fingerprint incinerates. You can try your damnedest to consciously trigger an epiphany, but I doubt it'd work.
In fact, I'd even say that the more you try to consciously trigger an epiphany, the less likely you are to actually have an epiphany. In other words, trying to consciously trigger an epiphany is the best way to not have an epiphany.
Fortunately, epiphanies aren't the only way to change the shit stewing in your unconscious brain.
Going post hoc
Having an epiphany is an ad hoc strategy. You think your way into a new way of acting — you believe something into existence. But it's much more reliable (controllable?) to change your feelings post hoc. In other words, you act your way into a new way of thinking. It's easier to believe something that already exists.
Changing your mind, post hoc, boils down to proof. You have to show yourself that HAVE-TO is actually WANT-TO. This sounds swell, until you step back and look at the strange loop this creates.
Post hoc‘s strange loop
You're trying to put your goal's behavioral backbone into place, to prove HAVE-TO is actually WANT-TO. For instance, if you're trying to convince yourself that you WANT-TO eat vegetables, then you need to actually eat them in order for this post hoc junk to work.
But… how? How do you make this happen when you don't have motivation? Do you see the conundrum? If doing things we didn't want to do was easy, we wouldn't be in the pickle in the first place. In some sense, we're right back where we started.
Intravenous orange juice
I suppose one conclusion could be: willpower. Despite being (historically) unreliable, can't willpower be our Obi-Wan Kenobi? After all, as established earlier, we probably have more of it than we think we do. Can't we just clench our teeth, fight the constipation, and do the work? Maybe keep a syringe loaded with orange juice handy, to jolt our brain with sugar in time of need?
Knowing you have more willpower than you think you do might help the cause a tad, but there's a reason willpower has the historical track record of ______. So the idea of being “woke” and suddenly having more control over willpower is a rather romantic (and unsatisfactory) idea.
This is scary because the conclusion we're eventually going to reach won't totally eliminate willpower's involvement. This is why change is hard, and why change will always be hard. But. But. There's a loophole. A cheat code.
In order to unlock this cheat code, we need to step back into the maw of motivation — we need to reach deeper than HAVE-TO versus WANT-TO.
PART 4
MOTIVATION'S MAW
Orange juice bubble butts
Don't inject orange juice into your ass, is what I'm saying. The goal isn't to keep your willpower levels as high as possible. The goal is, rather… well, we'll get to that, soon. Actually, fuck it. You've been here a while. I can be honest with you.
The goal is to reduce the amount of willpower it takes to keep your behavioral backbone erect. If the previous sentence doesn't make sense, hang with me. It will soon. First, we have to revisit motivation.
Phillics and phobics
Earlier, I reduced the maze of motivation into want. The WANT-TO. But, truth is, motivation is much more fecking complex than “want/desire.” Hence, maze. Even though we're bound to get lost, we need to take a closer look at what motivation is all about — we gotta talk phillics and phobics.
Motivators (phillics)
I reduced motivation to want/desire. But a more accurate way to put things: we have more motivation when rewards and pleasures are involved in the behavioral equation. I consider “rewards and pleasures” to be phillics — they attract us.
Here's a list of common phillics (motivators): discovery, autonomy, flow, learning, growth, happiness, pleasurable feelings and sensations, physical rewards (prizes), etc…
Demotivators (phobics)
On the flip side, a lack of motivation is more than absence of want/desire. We have less motivation when pains and punishments are involved in the behavioral equation. I consider “pains and punishments” to be phobics — they repel us.
Here's a list of common phobics (demotivators): social exile, painful feelings and sensations, captivity, judgement, criticism, risk, etc…
Motivation's maze continues
Phillics and phobics add some extra color to motivation, but we aren't done. There are more nooks and crannies within this maze.
MOTIVATION: INTEREST
Interest influences motivation. I don’t care about lawn care, so I'm not motivated to read a book on how to keep my grass green.
MOTIVATION: ABILITY
Ability influences motivation. You’ll be more motivated to do something you’ve already proven you can do, or something you're on the verge of being able to do. (There's nonlinearity here. Task too simple: boredom. Task to difficult: hopelessness.)
MOTIVATION: EXPECTANCY
Expectancy influences motivation. Do you expect your efforts to make a difference? (This ties into ability — connect the dots.) The past matters. If you've tried to go on a diet ten times in the past (but failed), then you won't be as motivated because (unconsciously) you don't expect to follow through.
MOTIVATION: TIMELINESS
Timeliness influences motivation. The longer it takes to see the results of your efforts, the less motivation you'll have.
I’m sure motivation is even more multifaceted, but I’ve done my job and pretended to know enough (for now). Here are a few remaining dangling notes.
CONTEXT
First, phillics and phobics swap under the context of avoidance. We're motivated to seek pleasures and rewards; we're motivated to avoid pains and punishments. We're unmotivated to seek pains and punishments; we're unmotivated to avoid pleasures and rewards.
CONSCIOUS
Second, as mentioned previously, rewards-pleasures-pains-punishments aren’t always a conscious byproduct. No matter how much I consciously tell myself that I don't want a cup of coffee in the morning, my body unconsciously doesn't give a fuck. It wants the caffeine.
RELATIVITY
Fourth, despite the above breakdown, there are no absolutes. Sometimes, pain can be pleasurable (BDSM is a thing). Extrinsic rewards (winning money) can demotivate, at times. Similarly, sometimes pleasure can be something you're striving to avoid. Context and perspective are everything. Arnold thought training felt like, well, just watch this. Others find training to be a painful and boring activity.
Water slides
There's a reason I've been pairing the words “motivation” and “maze.” Hopefully, now, you have a robust (enough) idea of motivation to make sense of things.
In the breakdown above, I used the term “behavioral equation.” We have more/less motivation when pleasures/rewards/pains/punishments are involved in the behavioral equation. I like to think of the “behavioral equation” as a water slide. There's a long climb up a giant set of stairs. When you reach the top, you enter dark tunnel of unknown. You thrash around inside the enclosed slide. Then, at the end, you splash into a pool of water.
Your attitudes towards any given behavior hinge on your perception and your expectations surrounding the climb and the splash.
- Climb: what it takes to initiate the behavior.
- Splash: the result of the behavior.
Is there fear associated with the splash? If so, bye bye motivation. What about risk? Bye bye. Is there a reward waiting for you? Maybe you’ll have more motivation.
Hidden phobics
Here's the virus, killing your motivation: there are an abundance of demotivators (phobics) attached to the climb and/or the splash.
Maybe it's physical discomfort. You want to exercise, but you don't like the delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS).
Maybe it's the time you have to invest. You want to eat better, but you don't have time to cook.
Maybe it's eliminating something pleasurable. Beer, cake, chips, and cookies make you happy.
Maybe you fear being socially ostracized. You're a noob in the gym and you feel awkward, or you feel like the changes you're trying to make will upset your spouse.
Examples are aplenty. But, if you're lacking motivation, then somewhere, someway, somehow, there are phobics frolicking throughout the behavioral equation.
Beliefs > Reality
I already mentioned this a few times, but it's useful to mention again: motivation's maze is a mindset game. Your attitudes are dictated by your perception and your expectations, which don't always make (objective) sense.
For instance, you fear going to the gym because you think that everyone there is making fun of you and judging you. Is this True? Maybe. (Probably, knowing most public gyms…) but it might not be. Your beliefs guide you, not reality.
Even better: what difference does it make? You're not going to the gym to make friends. You're going to the gym to train, and build a better body. Why does this social element mean so much to you?
Sometimes peeling the rind allows you to see the absurdity of your thoughts. This social anxiety is coming from a deep biological place that was important in primitive days. If you were exiled from the tribe, you likely died. But we don't live in those days anymore, and we don't need to be friends with everyone.
Peeling the rind
When you see the absurdity nestled within some of your beliefs, you can overcome them easier. But, once again, we're skipping through the unpleasant territory of changing feelings and mindset.
Most of the times, no matter how irrational our feelings might be, they are hard to shake. Fear is fear for a reason. If we were able to overcome fear easily, it wouldn't do the job fear is supposed to do.
We'd stick our heads into the rumbling bush out of curiosity (instead of fear), only to find silver back gorillas having sex. If there's one thing I know about silver back gorillas, it's that they don't enjoy interrupted sex. Obviously, I know nothing about silver back gorillas. This story ends with you getting your head ripped off, Sub-Zero style.
Dancing with the devil
We're back to reality. If you're lacking motivation, then there are phobics frolicking throughout the behavioral equation. Instead of butting our heads against our feelings (or berating ourselves for feeling the way we do), we're better off dancing with reality, as opposed to fighting it.
Dance.
Way back when, we assembled a behavioral backbone. We identified behaviors that would lead us to our goal.
“Mommy, I want six pack abs!”
“How?”
Chances are, you selected behviors based on expected outcome. You wanted the “best” behaviors — the ones that had the highest likelihood of unlocking your goals, as quickly as possible.
Sounds like a logical thing to do.
Until it doesn't.
New behavioral backbones
For whatever reason, there are too many phobics associated with your initial behavioral backbone. They might be the “best” behaviors, but they are too… grandiose for your current mindset. Instead of bucking up and continually colliding with their magnitude, you're better off calling an audible.
Forget what's “best.” Pick, instead, behaviors that are less daunting. In other words, don't select behaviors based on their expected outcome, but, rather, your ability to adhere to them. The easiest way to do this: think atomic.
Atomic behaviors
Atomic behaviors are small versions of the initial behaviors. Instead of eating an entire salad at lunch, just lick a leaf of spinach. It sounds silly, but it beats the alternative: doing nothing. Of course, if licking a leaf of spinach sounds too easy, then maybe you just eat one leaf of spinach. There's a nonlinearity to this (see: expectancy).
Another way to frame atomic behaviors: too shitty to fail. Who can't eat one tiny leaf of spinach? That's such a small task. You can't make up excuses as to why you can't do it, which contrasts the initial behaviors which are likely laden with excuses.
Atomic willpower
Atomic behaviors transform the motivation-willpower dynamic. First, the task isn't as large (painful/punishing), so it won't require as much willpower. (There's a difference between eating one leaf of spinach and eating a dog turd.)
Second, atomic behaviors can increase motivation. The childishness of the task, knowing you'll be able to complete it no matter what, can compel you towards taking action. This also reduces willpower reliance.
Atomic schmatomic
Of course, the looming question: “What the hell is eating one spinach leaf going to do for me?” Why would I do things that won’t yield progress? Why eat a bite of a carrot every day? Would it really help me? Only ten jumping jacks? That’s not going to help me lose fat.
And, if you weren’t thinking this, now you are. (I AM A GREAT PSYCHOLOGICAL WIZARD.) I have you right where I want you.
PART 5
RITUALS
Patience
Most people want to go from zero to sixty, with no intermediate steps, because they lack patience. They want immediate results. I'm reminded by a story Ramit Sethi tells, on his website:
I recently got a fascinating email from one of my readers. I had emailed my email list, asking “What’s something you CLAIM is important…but you don’t do?”
She wrote back, “I keep saying I want to run 3x/week, but I can never seem to do it.”
I replied: “Why not start once a week?”
Her response was amazing. “Why would I run once/week? That wouldn’t accomplish anything.”
She would rather dream about running 3x/week than actually run once a week.
Part of the reason this atomic shtick is difficult: we don't zoom out and see the bigger picture. The stepping stones. But think back to when you were young, learning how to tie your shoelaces.
Learning how to tie your shoelaces is tough. There’s a lot of mental involvement, which is why it’s easier to scream, “MOM COME TIE MY SHOES.” Or slap the Velcro from one side of your shoe to the other.
What do you see there? Friction. A lack of motivation. Struggle. And subsequently choosing comfort. But that’s not the case anymore. There’s no friction towards tying your shoes. There’s no willpower involvement. It just… happens.
Hacking habits
Tying your shoelaces is an example of a habit. Habits are super greased up behavioral slides with no baggage placed in front of the slide or at the bottom of the slide. You perform habits without conscious thought.
You have a ton of habits in your life, most of which you aren’t even consciously aware of. Do you bite your nails when you’re nervous? I clench my jaw when I’m stressed. And I rarely know that I’m doing it.
Now…
Habits are a deep subject that have a ton of intricacies. If you want to dive into the deep, I recommend reading The Power of Habit. Point being, for now: when you do things often they become easier to do… to the point where not doing them might, indeed, become the difficult thing.
You aren’t making a change in a vacuum, you’re trying to get your brain to cut through wicked thickets of the forest when there’s already paved pathways. It’s not an easy thing to do. This is why change is hard.
Riggity riggity rituals
Similar to habits are rituals. (This is sort of my own spin on things, so you’re not likely to find what’s below anywhere else.) Rituals are like habits, but they’re… heavier.
Habits are automatic and unconscious, which is why they require little willpower or motivation. They work like an algorithm, almost. A lot of small behaviors, if repeated, will become a habit. (Tying shoes, biting nails, etc..)
Rituals are a collection of behaviors that are too heavy to become truly habitual. They're similar in that, over time, they become easier to do. But they're different in that they're too “big” to become truly mindless endeavors.
Examples of rituals
Strength training is a ritual, more than a habit. The more you go to the gym and train, the more pulled/compelled/obligated you'll feel to train. But it'll never become an automatic unconscious habit. You'll never snap into consciousness at the gym and say, “How did I get here?”
A ritual you probably have in your life: going to work every morning.
Going to work isn’t something that happens at the snap of the finger. It’s something that, in all likelihood, will happen… but sometimes you need to rock the cradle back and forth before it tips over.
SNOOZE BUTTON.
Driver of rituals
Rituals, IMO, are driven by obligation. They are things we (eventually) perceive to be mandatory, probably to avoid cognitive dissonance. To me, strength training is a ritual. It’s not something I always enjoy doing. I'm not motivated to train most days. But there’s some strange thing inside of me that feels guilty if I don't train, something that makes me feel like I have an obligation to train.
Something that says, You are the type of person that trains, and you are also the type of person that doesn’t skip training sessions. You better get up and go in order to maintain this self-identity of yours.
Another example: I used to be a stock boy at Office Max. I worked there for eight (!) years throughout high school and college. I barely made more than minimum wage. I liked what I did, but I knew my job there wasn’t my “career.” It wasn’t a job I needed to care about. But I did. I only called off three times in my eight year working span, and I felt terrible when I did.
That job was a ritual.
Atomic power
I feel obligation to strength train because I’ve trained (regularly) for ten years. The more you do something, the more said something becomes apart of your identity. You'll fight hard to preserve your identity. The more you do something, the easier said something becomes.
Rituals and habits bypass (heavily) the maw of motivation and the womb of willpower. The only way for a behavior to reach habit-ritual status is through consistency.
This is the premise of atomic behaviors. If you start small, it's easier to (a) start, and (b) be consistent. Over time, with consistency, the atomic behavior will become even easier. More automatic. When this happens, you can expand.
Licking one carrot at lunch becomes taking one bite of a carrot and spiting it out becomes taking one tiny bite and chewing and swallowing becomes two bites becomes one carrot becomes…
Doing one push-up before dinner becomes doing two push-ups before dinner becomes doing five push-ups and one chin-up before dinner becomes…
Not to mention, this is a feedforward process. Along the way, you're getting PROOF that HAVE-TO is, perhaps, WANT-TO. You're letting your brain know that the behavior in question isn't as daunting/dangerous as you initially perceived it to be.
You might also gain motivation by the fact that you are taking action and making change. You're showing yourself that you are the type of person that's capable of such a thing.
This is why it's better to start small and build an atomic behavioral backbone, even if the smaller behaviors don't yield any short-term tangible results. Over time, you can build upon the behaviors so that they will yield results.
Headline
The opportune cliche to insert here: select what's sustainable, not what's optimal. Most people build a grandiose (optimal) game plan of how to get to where they want to be, and that game plan looks like this:
START = FINISH
But this creates massive pressure and stakes and in the wrong direction — in the demotivating direction. It’s like being Level 1 and continually trying to defeat a Level 99 enemy. You never win, which makes you want to quit playing.
You're better off swallowing reality. You're Level 1. Fight Level 1 enemies. You'll gain experience and Level Up. When you do, adjust the enemy you fight. Make 'em a little tougher at each turn of the corner.
Headline
overview above. probably now wondering, specifically. what exactly does this look like? like, full game plan?
personal, psychology.
BJ Fogg, creator of Tiny Habits, tells people that want to start flossing to just do one tooth!
PART 6
AN(T)SWERS
Headline
the scaffolding above holds everything up. What follows is a random collection of thoughts and ideas that relate.
Perfection and expectations
Carrots and sticks
You can rig the deck in your favor by using extrinsic rewards and punishments. This would be like, “If you go talk to that girl, I'll give you $100.”
But extrinsic motivators are tricky.
I can't remember the details, but I think I first heard read this story in Freakonomics. It's a popular story, anyhow, so forgive my butchering of it below.
People ran a daycare center. They got tired of parents picking up their kids later than scheduled, so they decided to enforce a late fee. Meaning, if you didn't pick up your kid by 5:00PM, you were charged.
Turns out, more people started picking up their kids late. Because prior to the late fee they were motivated to arrive on time from intrinsic feelings, like guilt.
An extrinsic punishment (money loss) turned out to be an intrinsic reward (not feeling guilt).
There's more on this slippery slope in Daniel Pink's book, Drive. The overwhelming conclusion being that true motivation and drive is something that comes from within more than without.
But if you want to rig the deck in your favor, the best way (that I know) is this:
one-
Add a social element, something where you're held accountable. Like a weight loss challenge with your coworkers.
two-
Be punished instead of rewarded. Humans are risk averse and we weigh the prospect of loss much more than we weigh the value of gain. Meaning we'd be more motivated if losing $100 was on the line rather than gaining $100.
So the challenge could be this: if you don't eat a salad at lunch in the break room for lunch every day, you lose ‘x' number of dollars.
tree-
Anchor the loss in an intrinsic trigger; make it truly disgusting and painful. It's one thing to have to throw $5 into a jar that your friends get to keep at the end of the challenge.
It's another thing to give the $5 to the KKK every time you don't eat a salad. AJ Jacobs did this (used the prospect of having to give money to the KKK as motivation).
Imagine the stakes!
If you don't follow through with your intended behaviors, you support the KKK. That's intense. Would you flake?
Now…
This sounds wonderful and will probably work, but the nature of any similar challenge is such that it will end. All challenges end. And when they do, well…what happens?
Make the goal so silly that its painful to NOT take action.
Rewire perception
Using rewards and punishments — creating stakes — is a great way to increase motivation and get the ball rolling.
But it’s also fragile.
So let’s continue.
SECOND –
Perceived rewards and punishments are subjective. So a first place to start: rewire your perception.
Say you wanted to talk to a girl across the room. But you’re a shy introvert. You want desperately to shed yourself of this fear you have from talking to women.
Chances are, you’re afraid because you fear the failure that might accompany your trek. You fear the embarrassment. The humiliation.
But does any of that matter? Really matter?
This isn’t the primitive plains. You aren’t going to be excommunicated. If you get denied, you go back to your normal life.
Now, in fitness terms, this is a little more tricky because it’s not as straightforward.
Getting rejected once is easier to fathom than giving up chocolate forever.
What makes fitness tough is that it’s not a one-and-done thing. You need consistency. Repetition.
So we move on.
MORE COMING SOON…
When I was in high school (pre-epiphany), I hated my body. One day, I decided drinking carbonated beverages. I don't remember what inspired me to do this. I don't even remember how I knew it was a good idea.
My replacement beverage: sweet tea. That's right. I stopped drinking pop (we call it pop, not soda — thanks) and started drinking sweet tea. I substituted one high sugar drink for another high sugar drink. It's called genius, folks. I'm sorry if you're unable to empathize.
Sarcasm aside, few people would ever think about making this lateral move. I only did it because I was dumb. I didn't know any better. I thought I was upgrading my life.
I don't know what would have happened if I tried to jump solely to water. Would it have been too shocking of a change? Perhaps.
Most people aren't lucky enough to be dumb, like I was. Although I can't say what would have happened if I took a different path, I can say that the jump from carbonated sodas to sweet tea wasn't difficult. And neither was the jump from sweet tea to water.
This is the power of atomic behaviors.