This article is an introduction to a big and exciting project for me. It also doubles as a philosophical and existential meltdown, but — don’t worry — there is good stuff here, and what’s here will be built upon for months to come. It will confuse you, but don’t worry: it’s supposed to confuse you. [...]
This article is an introduction to a big and exciting project for me. It also doubles as a philosophical and existential meltdown, but — don't worry — there is good stuff here, and what's here will be built upon for months to come. It will confuse you, but don't worry: it's supposed to confuse you. I'm confused too, and that's the point.
Insulting Jillian Michaels (is fun)
I started “blogging” at the end of the Cold War. (Ok, so maybe not that far back.) What started as random musings (really, I used to talk about heavy metal every week) slowly turned into something special: writing about my training experiences in a honest way in order to help anyone that happened upon this page.
Ever since, every time I write, I remember that thousands of eyeballs are crossing these words.
With this realization? Fear. Lots of fear. And it grew and grew in 2013.
As more people emailed me, the fear grew. Some emailed me asking me how to eat to maximize their Jillian Michaels DVD fat loss routine. This both upset and confused me, considering my videos are anything but Jillian Michael-esque.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDJ1cEL3K7U
But I shouldn’t be upset about these emails, because, well, it’s my fault. And this is what this is all about: fixing what's been broken.
For every Jillian email, there were ones about tricking and hardcore barbell and bodyweight training — the stuff I live for; the stuff that injects itself into nearly every waking second of my life. Not purposefully either. It just happens.
Drunk on the dance floor when the song drop it low comes on, and I can't help but look to see how deep people can squat, and wonder if they every squat this deep outside of when this song comes on. Driving in my car, sitting at a red light, and locking out my elbow and taking a false grip on the wheel to pretend like I'm holding an iron cross.
Like I said, it just happens.
And these aren't even the bad thoughts. Those go into a separate bucket.
Cars and gas mileage, calories and energy mileage
I love thinking. Einstein can back me up on this one:
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”
And so then I think about food and calories. And then I think about gas and cars. And then I think that your car, that hunk of metal produced first by human hands, gets different gas mileage depending on whether you drive in the city or on the highway. This wishfully reinforces my belief that there's no way that “all calories are created equally,” or that “a calorie is just a calorie.”
Now, if that last paragraph doesn't make sense, I've just reaffirmed the purpose of this article series that will be released daily to you over the next few months.
A lot of people reading this either (a) won't understand a lick of that paragraph, or (b) have a bunch of questions about it.
See, most people just want to lose the gut or build the muscle or do whatever it is that will help them build a body they're proud of, and do it in the simplest way possible. Maybe down one infomercial pill and be done with it.
And I get it. Totally.
Being mentally ambushed by a matter of physical conditioning isn’t fun. Been there, done that. And I know that looking in the mirror and being disgusted by what reflects back doesn’t have a monetary value.
It transcends that.
The painting on your wall from some tier-C artist that cost $100 is a material thing. Your body? We can agree that it’s worth at least $100. And if you do the math, no amount of money matters when your body fails.
But let’s stop here and talk expectations.
The smackdown from Fred
Your friend, Fred comes up to you one day. Fred knows a thing or two about training, and you've mentioned to him on a few occasions that you're looking to lose your gut and build some shapely muscle. Months have passed since then, and your efforts haven't paid off. You've tried some gimmicky things, searched for an instant solution, but really haven't plunged in.
“I’m going to fix my car today,” Fred Says.
“Cool, what's wrong with it,” you reply.
“I'm not totally sure, I just know something is wrong,” he says.
“I didn’t know you knew anything about cars,” you say.
“Oh,” Fred stumbles for a second, but continues, “well, you’re right, I don’t.”
“How are you going to fix the car then?”
“How are you going to ‘fix’ your body when you have no vested interest in actually trying to understand your body?”
Fred wins.
And unlike a machine, you can’t even see the body at work. You can’t unhood your stomach and see pistons turning and oil shooting through wires. The body is much more complex.
This is daunting, isn’t it?
Now, I can go on and on here. About how there are different types of “fuel” you can give your body, each of which might respond differently with your interworkings. Inuit’s gorge on animal and fish fat, eat no vegetables, and yet have a lower incidence of heart disease than most people in Western culture.
Ah, survival. That brings up another seam in all of this.
Health.
What is health? Now isn’t the time to fully unearth this, but it’s something you should think about. What good is having perfect markers of health if you fall and break your hip in the bathtub? What good is having strong hips if you die from heart disease?
What actually causes heart disease?
And if you think that exercise will absolve you from the risk, why do some marathon runners die of heart attacks?
It's a rabbit hole. A big one.
The upper-left brick solution
If you’ve made it this far, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re more confused now than when we first started this little Journey. And we started with the simple premise of fear.
Why did fear hit me in 2013? Confusion. As my audience grew, I felt that I was adding more confusion than I was clarifying it.
See what happened? We’re already there. I'm spouting nonsense that even confuses me.
That’s because, as Robert Pirsig mentions in the Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, “For every fact there is an infinity of hypotheses.” Luckily, Pirsig gives a hint on how to overcome this: the upper-left brick.
Not only will the upper-left brick help me get over the fear, but it will help us kick start this Journey and get to the core of why you’re here.
This is the introduction. Ground zero. Article uno. Until things fizzle out, I'll be writing every day. If you want daily updates delivered to your inbox, you can put your email in the box below. If you want weekly updates you can sign-up for my normal newsletter service.
It's called the Mychalbolic Time Chamber. Some of you know why. Some of you will find out later. Just know, for now, that this series of daily articles are sequential. The roman numerals in each article title will be your guide there.
It's only going to get better from here, and I'm glad you're with me.
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