Dear Awesome Person:
If reading this letter ever feels like a chore, like peeling the shell from a hard-boiled egg, then throw it in the garbage and forget I exist. On the other hand, if you suck down every syllable with a smile, with the enthusiasm of a kindergartner watching Cocomelon, then pencil me a possibility for the Copywriter position at Bodybuilding.com.
My name is Anthony Mychal DeMarco. I am probably not your “ideal” candidate for this job. I don’t have prior agency experience. I don’t have an expansive portfolio. I’ve never worn “pro” copywriting shoes. (Swing and a miss, strike three?) You’re welcome to stop reading now. This is your chance. I’m making it easy for you. I’m adding an extra inch to the heels in your squat shoes. I’m letting you deadlift with wrist straps. What more could you want?
I may lack corporate-copywriting calluses, but I don’t lack skin in the game. For the past ten years, I’ve managed a personally branded strength/performance website targeting skinny-fat millennials interested in building the type of body a superhero would have. I am a company of one. I’m in charge of everything from web design to content creation (and unfortunately, making my own coffee). This brainchild of mine didn’t become the six-figure castle I imagined, but it taught me more about copywriting and marketing than any classroom could.
SEO. Search Google for “skinny fat ectomorph.” You’ll find me at the top of the first results page.
Content marketing. I’ve authored articles for various websites and magazines, including T-Nation and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s personal website, to drive traffic back to my website.
Email marketing. I maintain an intimate newsletter with over 10,000 subscribers. Many have been around since 2013.
Digital product creation. I’ve created and sold various diet and training products to help skinny-fat guys build an athletic physique that feels better than butter on a hot biscuit.
Social media marketing. My business isn’t built atop social media, but I’m back-of-the-hand familiar with the game. I’ve scripted and shot videos for multiple platforms.
You can view my work at my main website here and the work I did for T-Nation here. Seeing how I use humor and metaphors to make the complicated world of exercise physiology more digestible will convey my competence better than a resumé ever could. I never understood how a buffet of bullet points preceding empty action verbs (like “spearheaded”) could quantify my worth. (Then again, I never understood why cars carry shipments and ships carry cargo, so I realize the limits of my perspective.)
Another wing of my business is virtual one-on-one coaching. Steve Kamb, the owner of the seven-figure behemoth Nerd Fitness, was a remote client of mine for nearly ten years. He paid my way to Georgia multiple times to teach hundreds of people at his annual Nerd Fitness camp. You’re welcome to contact him at 1(508)566-9739 with any questions you have about my character and my abilities (which aren’t limited to helping those with desk jobs wake up every morning without feeling like they’ve just been beaten with a sock full of billiards).
I’m sure you have some questions to ask me, too. Questions like: (1) If this guy has his own company, why does he want to work here? (2) Will this guy be able to adjust his snarky (yet playful) voice/tone to our voice/tone? (3) Why is this guy’s LinkedIn page dustier than the top of my refrigerator?
These are good questions. You’re worried. I understand. Sure, I don’t drool grammatically correct legalese that reads like drywall. Sure, I can help your brand cut through the noise like a bottle rocket. Sure, I know how to use words to get people to feel certain ways and do certain things. (You’re still reading this, aren’t you?) What about the rest of the job?
Inexperience isn’t inability. I’m a self-starter and a quick learner. I taught myself how to use Photoshop and Premiere Pro. I learned how to create websites using HTML and CSS. Familiarizing myself with the unfamiliar is what I do. I’m like a new baseball glove: I may be stiff right now, but once I’m broken in, I’ll be an irreplaceable asset to your team — a real James Bond to your MI6 (the Daniel Craig Bond, not the Pierce Brosnan Bond).
If this cover letter made you feel something, we should talk.
You can reach me at (412)401-5358.
May the Force be with you,
Anthony Mychal DeMarco