I didn’t want him to do it. My mouth was wide open. He stuck it inside. The sound of it sliding across my teeth gave me gooseflesh — a feeling that still haunts me. I want to say “I don’t know why I let him do it” but I’d be lying. Attempting to preserve my [...]
I didn't want him to do it.
My mouth was wide open. He stuck it inside. The sound of it sliding across my teeth gave me gooseflesh — a feeling that still haunts me.
I want to say
“I don't know why I let him do it”
but I'd be lying.
Attempting to preserve my manhood. I know why I let him do it. The authority bias was wrist-deep into my rear, controlling me like a puppet.
Do you wanna end up like me? With a foreign cylindrical object in your mouth? Didn't think so. You better listen up, because you're just as likely (if not more) to get your behind busted by the authority bias.
That's when I winced.
He turned on the drill. I winced. There's something demonic about the sound of a dental drill. As he etched into my enamel, I couldn't help but think…
I can't wait to write about this unfavorable experience at the dentist, because the intro will be a scandalous curveball.
A few years prior, I started getting pain in one of my molars. It wasn't omnipresent. Lightning only struck when I was chewing. Didn't have dental insurance at the time, so I pushed the pain aside. It persisted for about a week, then it vanished.
A few months later, the pain returned. Same spot. Same mechanism. Again, no insurance. Pushed through. Lasted about a week, then it vanished.
A few months later…
Throwing the Hail Mary.
Eventually, I went to a dentist. Paid out of pocket. After the exam, the dentist said, “Nothing is wrong, your teeth look great.” Was shocked to hear everything was clear, but I was happy with the conclusion.
Unfortunately, the cycle continued. Thought it'd be wise to seek a second opinion, so I went to another dentist, on the cheap. He was the father of a friend of a friend. After the exam, he said, “Nothing is wrong, your teeth look great.”
Felt good to confirm what the first dentist found, but I was confused. Why was I cycling through pain if nothing was wrong? The dentist must've noted my confusion, because he hucked a Hail Mary.
“We can shave some of your teeth,” he said, “to adjust your bite. This will reduce the degree of contact between your upper-teeth and lower-teeth where you're getting pain. It might help, especially if you grind your teeth at night.”
Please don't do this.
My stomach curdled. Shave my teeth? This dude has to be crazy. He said it himself: nothing is wrong. Has he heard of iatrogenics? Why add sauce to a soup that ain't sour?
Typical medical industry nonsense. Solution by addition. Instant gratification. Treating symptoms, not causes. Being reactive instead of proactive. Being hands-on and playing god, even when it's better to be hands-off.
Suppose I'm in pain because I grind my teeth at night, Mr. Dentist. I don't think I grind my teeth, but, if I do, then I need to stop grinding. Right? Why change the shape of my teeth?
Or how about this —
Suppose I did shave some teeth. What would happen? I'd still grind. What then? Would the pain manifest somewhere else? Then what? Shave more teeth? Or what if a new problem manifests? What if I start getting headaches or jaw pain?
I opened my mouth, prepared to deny the dentist and expose his proposed medical malpractice. “Shave away,” I said, regretting the words as they drooled from my lips.
He manipulated me.
Ended up getting my teeth shaved because of the authority bias, which is rather self-explanatory concept. We attach greater weight and accuracy to the opinions of authority figures, which gives them mucho influence.
Being unable to stand up to my dentist (who wasn't even pushy) is nothing compared to the Milgram experiment. Turns out, you'd electrocute someone if an authority figure told you to.
Don't say you wouldn't.
You would.
You would, even if you could hear the screams of the person you were electrocuting, and even if the buttons you had to press to initiate the electrocution were labeled “Danger: Severe Shock” and “XXX”.
Because, authority bias.
How the Holocaust happened.
The Milgram experiment was inspired by the Holocaust, and it was designed to measure how obedient and sheepish we are. The conclusion of the Milgram experiment: baa baaaa baa baaaaaaaa baa baa baaaaaa.
I'm not surprised. Authority's hands have been in my anus, controlling me like a puppet, for as long as I can remember. Ask me how many times I was sent to the principals office. HOW MANY TIMES, ANTHONY? Too bad you aren't an authority figure, else I'd be forced to answer.
Authority figures have more influence than we think they do, which is troublesome. Even more troublesome is the fact that authority figures don't need any sort of expertise or competence to unlock their influential voodoo. This is why celebrity endorsements are so popular and effective.
Celebrity endorsements.
Kim Kardashian endorsed Sketchers Shape-Ups. She's not a biomechanics expect. She knows nothing about shoes. (If she did, she wouldn't have promoted Sketchers Shape-Ups.) And yet, Kim was (and is) able to promote shoes without consequence, because we give authority figures a halo of competence.
As if the ability to become an authority figure is a reflection of character, sort of like…
Med school is difficult. Only intelligent hard working people make it through. Your doctor did. Therefore, your doctor must be intelligent and hard working, which means you should trust her judgment, even when dealing with non-medical issues.
Being famous and rich is rare. Only smart and successful people become famous and rich. Kim Kardashian is famous and rich. She must smart and successful. Therefore, I will wear the shoes she's hawking, even though they will make my backbone more brittle than Trisha Paytas.
Trial by combat?
Branding dentists and other medical professionals as authorities is somewhat sensible. Because there is some trial by combat required (med school, residency, fellowship) prior to unlocking their authoritative status.
Unfortunately, the only thing you need in order to become an authority figure is to be perceived as an authority figure. In other words, skip med school. Spend your time and money on getting a high number of Instagram followers.
Did I ruin celebrity endorsements for you? I hope so. That was my point all along. And, well, to become more of an authority, myself. I'm using the bias to talk about the bias while doing the bias while WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Skin in the game.
Concluding this with “beware authority” seems lackluster, because conscious awareness isn't a great defense. I was thinking about the Milgrim experiment as I was getting my teeth shaved. Knowing about the authority bias doesn't necessarily prevent you from getting pwned by the authority bias.
The people in the Milgrim experiment knew they were doing wrong. They did it anyways. I didn't want my dentist to shave my teeth. It let him do it anyways.
The second reason why I don't wanna conclude this with “beware authority” is because there are times when you should trust authority. I've never gone scuba diving, but, if I did, I'd hang onto every word that evaporates out of the scuba instructor's mouth.
There's something to be said about skin in the game. You take the scuba instructor's advice, because she's underwater with you. How much is at stake, for the authority figure? Would the authority figure take his/her own advice? Does Kim wear the shoes all day every day?
Would the doctor take the pill?
May the Gains be with you,
Ant
ps
The cycle of pain stopped after I got my teeth shaved, which was in the summer of 2017. But. BUT. BUT. I did have a massive headache stint at the end of 2017, which was strange. Because I don't get headaches. Throughout 2018, I had strange jaw pain. Needed to get iodine injections for scans and got a bunch of tests done.
Connected?
Who knows.