Recipe: Whey Protein Rice Pudding That’ll Cream Your Jeans

Rundown:

For the past few years, oatmeal volcanoes curbed my sweet cravings. But since True Protein changed their whey and since I haven't been eating oats, I needed a new outlet. Enter: whey protein rice pudding.

Ingredients:

  • Rice
  • Whey protein
  • Water
  • Fruit
    • Apples
    • Bananas
    • Raisins
  • Spices
    • Nutmeg
    • Cinnamon
    • Cocoa

Preparation:

The first step in the rice pudding adventure is making my whey protein pudding. I'll recap that below if you're too lazy to check out the video. Make sure you have some rice cooked. And make sure it's ready to soak in glory before being disintegrated by your stomach acids. The total amount of rice you need depends on how creamy you want your rice pudding. I just add the rice in hunks, stopping whenever it overflows. (I suck at moderation.)

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We start with the pudding. Throw some water into a bowl big enough for your appetite. Remember, you're going to be adding in rice so you need a big bowl. Add 3-5 tablespoons of water to start (assuming you're going with three total 70cc scoops of protein; adjust as needed). You could use milk or heavy cream instead of water if that suits you.

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Throw in the whey protein, one 70cc scoop at a time. If you add in all three at once you have to mix like a grandma to make sure the powder doesn't fluff all over the place. This recipe is designed to use three scoops, so adjust the quantity if you want to make less. I use plain, unflavored boring whey. You could use fancy flavored stuff, but that's just not my bag, baby.

The original three tablespoons of water might not seem like much, but it is. Let the whey settle into the liquid. Somehow it always seems like you're going to need more water. Somehow you almost never do. This varies by brand though, so expect fluctuations. Experiment. Level up your chef skills.

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If by chance you do need more water (or whatever liquid you used), add it one tablespoon slowly. Always err on the side of less liquid. You can always add more. But you can never take it away. Add too much too soon and you’re screwed.

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You want the protein pudding to be a little sludge-like. It should ooze off of the spoon, but it shouldn't run. We're making rice pudding not rice soup. So slowly add water until you get the right consistency.

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Mix in your spices of choice. I like a teaspoon of cinnamon, nutmeg, and cocoa. But you can use whatever. Artificial sweetners are for sissies though. Don't be a sissy.

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Once your spices are mixed in, add the rice. Add it slowly for easier mixing. Stop adding the rice whenever you reach a consistency you like. Mix it up all nice and good so that the protein pudding coats the rice.

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Scour your kitchen for fruit that pairs well with the creation thus far. Apples work good. Bananas work better. You can't go wrong with raisins either. In this picture I'm gnawing on a honeycrisp apple, which are my favorite kind of apple. If you see them, buy them. And then thank me.

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Take sweet close up pictures of honey crisp apples mingling with golden raisins. Then consume.

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