Waist Trimmer
If you want six-pack abs, you should wear a waist-trimmer belt when you do cardio.
After a thirty-minute jog past the same three mailboxes in your neighborhood, the neoprene corset strangling your midsection will be drenched in a sweat marinade of yesterday’s salami, this morning’s regret, and whatever your body does to gym shorts after mile two — a surefire sign you’ve melted a significant chunk of the fat blanketing your abs…
Or so the story goes.
Unfortunately, if sweating were proof of spot reduction, everyone who’s ever suffered a summer subway ride with swamp ass would be walking around with rock-hard rumps.
I’ll be honest: I have not personally interviewed a scientifically respectable sample size of humid human holes to definitively rule out the existence of swamp-assed people with six-pack-shredded sphincters. But my gut — the one currently not shredded by way of sweat — says I can stand behind my intial conclusion with confidence.
Waist-trimmer belts won’t spot reduce body fat, but they aren’t totally useless. You can still use one to suffocate yourself in shame over ever believing sweat alone was the secret to fat loss. (Don’t actually suffocate yourself. But do feel free to imagine that lady with the bell from Game of Thrones trailing a few steps behind you, ringing it softly.)