I’m the prime suspect in an ongoing love handle obsession investigation. I’m eighteen years old. I have a six-pack for the first time in my life.
But the love handles…
The love handles aren’t budging. They are large and in charge. They have the girth to give birth. I can't think of a third funny thing to write here.
My psyche rattles the walls of an orthorexic blender. I can't stop looking at the the utters of blubber jutting from my midsection. I can't stop wondering if they will ever go away.
I stay in “fat loss mode” for moons beyond the norm. My body begins to reflect the the level of discontent my mind endures; it withers into nothingness.
I'm fighting valiantly.
But its all for nothing.
A love letter to the love handle obsessed
If you've ever been in the same situation, here's something you need to know. Something I wish my love handle obsessed self knew way back when.
You’re going to have love handles forever if you keep believing you have love handles.
Because, quite frankly, I didn't have love handles. I just thought I did.
Take a look at the picture below. That's Miranda. I don’t know much about Miranda, but I know she has an Instagram account. (You’re welcome.)
She's lean as fuck, especially for a female. But I'm sure you see what I see: the love handles.
Only they aren't love handles. They're MUSCLES. More specifically, the giant muscles of the hip. JUNK IN THE TRUNK, DOOD. Junk in the mother fucking trunk.
By the way, I never was a fan of the color purple. Or sparkly things, for that matter. But I'm currently reconsidering my political position. For no obvious reason. Just a thought that came into my mind. Funny how the brain works.
A little bit of fat goes a long way
When you're as lean as Miranda, you see OH SNAP THAT'S A GIANT MUSCLE RIGHT THERE. But if you have body fat covering this area, you lose the hard sculpted muscular delineations. You're left with marshmallow soft ski slopes.
Doesn't take much body fat, either. Check out the picture of Miranda below. Just a little bit of fat is enough to convince yourself that it's all fat.
And, sometimes, losing fat can make your “love handles” seem even bigger because you lose fat around the waist, but the large hip muscles remain.
Your party cr(ass)her
This isn't permission to go around thinking all of your fat is muscle. Some people are fat. And their love handles are fat.
But if you're reaching six pack leanness and the love handles aren't budging, chances are, there's some muscle that's making your love handles seem like a bigger deal than they really are.
What can I say.
Your ass crashed yet another party it wasn't invited to.